For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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