What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
