Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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