he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
