So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
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