The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
