Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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