it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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