I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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