Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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