And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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