I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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