I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
