MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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