Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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