Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
