She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
