I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
