my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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