Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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