your parents love me but you hate me
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
