Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
