You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
