I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
