What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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