Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
