the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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