You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
