I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
