I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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