Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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