i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
