Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
