you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Boobs speak an international language.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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