I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
