i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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