Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
