C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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