They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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