dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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