I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
