omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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