Nicole vs. Life
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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