This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
