1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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