Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
