I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
