his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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