im about as happy as oj after his trial
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
