Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
