office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
