Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
