You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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