my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
