she smelled like a LAN party
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
