White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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