I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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