We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
