Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
