The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize