forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
