This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
